Just drove through a pot hole so deep that it wrote me a sonnet and we discussed existentialism.

— Sanitary Funny Pics(@Sanitaryum) May 15, 2012

Photo by Heath Robbins

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall .. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, What happened here today?

She again smiled and answered, You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?

Yes was his incredulous reply.
She answered, Well, today I didn’t do it.

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You lose is you’re not fully capable of stopping the microwave right before the alarm goes off.

— Sanitary Funny Pics(@Sanitaryum) May 2, 2012

Grandpa passed away peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and clawing the windows like the passengers in his car. #blessings #grateful

— Sanitary Funny Pics(@Sanitaryum) April 27, 2012

Gonna do a few laps around the office talking into a pop tart like a cell phone just to remind my co-workers that safety is an illusion.

— Sanitary Funny Pics(@Sanitaryum) April 15, 2012

#ThatAwkwardMoment when you pretend to read your birthday card after the money has fallen out.

— Sanitary Funny Pics(@Sanitaryum) April 15, 2012

Gonna do a few laps around the office talking into a pop tart like a cell phone just to remind my co-workers that safety is an illusion.

— Sanitary Funny Pics(@Sanitaryum) April 15, 2012